SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello, welcome to Fucking the Way to Enlightenment. Today we are in Palmela, down south from Lisbon, at uh downtown Palmela, which is a creative community hub here. And we are here with Julia Shufchinskaya, who is a multidisciplinary artist, a filmmaker, and many, many, many other things, which we're gonna talk about soon. But uh welcome. First of all, hello, hello. So great to have you on. And today we're gonna talk mostly sex. Banging, smooching, chagging, making sweet love. What kind of phrase do you like to use? For sex? Mm-hmm. It depends what it's really. It could be fucking, it could be making love. It depends what you're doing, really. So you have a whole spectrum, you're doing everything. Of course. And we met here at downtown Palmela, which is uh a lovely creative community down south from Lisbon. And um how have you arrived here? What is this place? Maybe you can tell us a little more. It's um I I would put it in shortly, basically there's a cat saying hi to us. Uh space build of trash. It's everything recycling, rebuilding um a farm into an art residence. There was a fire four years ago, just after guys, I think it was like literally months after the guys bought the land. Everything burned, there was nothing green. And the idea is to replant the trees and the food forest, as we can see here in the greenhouse, and to make it into an artist space to encourage creativity as well, with uh yeah, uh limited resources, I would say, which pushes a bit of boundaries as well. So we find everything in trash. We don't buy stuff. No, we buy really like, you know, pillowcases, which is nice, but this is is if you can see it's all built from windows and doors. Beautiful. And food also? Food we also get from somewhere. Supermarkets throw out food, and then it goes to a rehab, and rehab, when they have enough food, they give us leftovers, so that's how we get food. And then you share it with everyone else around you? Yes, if we have excess. Yeah, yeah, we give it to some heroin families in Palmela. Ah. And how did you end up how did you end up here? It was quite easy because my friend, my best friend, she bought a house in Palmela. And I was visiting her, then I met Nico, and then I don't know, Portugal is a very interesting um space. Oh, it's correct.

SPEAKER_00 2:34

I don't want to get kicked up.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

No, I'm I'm just I'm trying to be nice. So it's been a fucking disaster. Yeah, yeah, we'll get to that. Guide me to that in the end.

SPEAKER_02 2:46

Yeah, remember.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

Fucking disaster.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

Fucking disaster.

SPEAKER_01 2:49

And uh yeah, so I just texted Nico at some point, like, how do you feel if I stay here for a bit? And that a bit has been three months. We'll see. Amazing. And I know that the the blue house here is part of your creative design, your idea, your concept? Not exactly. Uh we've been repainting it for three weeks, and like my fingers still not really working because I'm the nerd who's gonna be with the brushes into tiny little like fucking sitting like that for days. And um at some point after two weeks, I kind of meanings came together in my head because we don't really have like ideological things here. It's more like building, but we're building an art residence, so there has to be a bit more art. So I thought also because when we were painting, we were covering up white lines that come through due to I don't know, whatever, like the building being old and uh moisture coming through. So we're covering it up, but white lines on blue is like the original blueprints that were made for um buildings to and and they multiply them through cyanotypes because 19 19 no 18 40 something the word blueprint was invented, and they multiplied the like the the the sketches through cyanotype, and cyanotype comes out blue, that's why it's blue print, it was literally blue, and then I thought, oh, but the house is like a blueprint for the official name is the blueprint of the unknown because we don't have a plan here. The idea is like we don't have a plan, we don't give a fuck. It's gonna be like um RT. It's gonna be RT. So for me, it's like this building is a blueprint of the unknown art that's gonna be created there because the building is not the final destination, it's like the form which allows us to express because that that's the idea of the whole residence. You come here, you live in the space, you use workshops, we have metal, wood, we have shitloads of stuff, you can do whatever gardening, voila. Yeah, and uh so it's like a blueprint of the unknown. Beautiful. And you've actually talking about the greenhouse here, you actually had you on the exhibition here when I arrived actually a week ago. Um, tell us a little more about the the nude photography that you were displaying here under a different name as well, huh? Yes, yes. It was like, ah look, there's a pussy in the bush. It made me really happy because there were a few nudes with just like not full frontal pussies, but we know when we see. So I put them in the bush and I was giggling myself around it. It's so nice. Uh it was Mathilde. Mathilde um is my alter ego. She's more brave, sexually more open, more free, and uh she was born in 30 on the 31st of October 23. I started my film company. And um, I was doing a big project with Casino Lisebois, and I thought, if it's my company, I can get dressed up however the fuck I want. So it was all super nice with a wig, with everything, producer on stage, like full-on working, nobody recognized me. I'm like, that's Mathilde, that's not me. And like um creating Mathilde gave me much more freedom because I'm just her curator and she's a free spirit, and it gave me much more distance and uh yeah, less fears. And so what was the exhibition about? Yeah, um the exhibition was bodyscapes by Mathilde. So I'm trying to see and combine physical landscapes with body landscapes because sometimes you look at some parts of the bodies and I see nature. And we tend to forget that we're part of the nature because humans are so humans, we're so cool. We're not nature, definitely. We can tame it, handle it, schedule it. Uh so it was bodyscapes, and uh, the thing that was happening here, I had the personal exhibition first time in Porto two years ago, I think. And these prints um were delivered from from Porto to me a few days just before the event, and I thought that would be really nice to make an exhibition here. Um discovering body like fragility of of bodies and kind of, I don't know. Seeing combination between not combination, I don't know, like similarities, I would say. And who were the subjects of the photography? The ones that were represented here at the exhibition were mainly female female subject, that sounds so disastrous. Girls. Uh they were girls from my project Sisterhood Power, which I started here when the war started in Russia, I immigrated to Portugal, that's why I'm here. And I kinda lost meaning in life. Like what the fuck, what the fuck am I doing? Where am I going? And so it was really confusing and hard to find something real. So I I was digging in and I came up with this project about um women enforced immigration because war is usually about men. Everyone talks about men, weapons, decisions. Big guns, big guns, big guns. Uh, but there are also so many girls, and nobody talks about that. So I was interested uh in the techniques, how girls go through that shit. So it was I think it it I can say it was because I I feel that the project is quite finished for me personally. Um the tools you use when everything collapses. Like coping strategies, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not strategies, practical methods. Like in strategy, I know so many things. But when shit hits the fan, what do you do? Like really, what do you do? That was my question. Some say they breathe, like I have some breathing techniques, some write, some do other things. For me, it was interesting to combine the voice, the image, nudity was again not the goal. It's when we're naked, we are the same. We all have bodies, we all have titties, we all have pussies and hair and I don't know, mosquito bites. So it doesn't distract you. And also talking about really tough subjects while you're naked, it's a different kind of level, I think. It brings me much closer to to the person, and you see it in the photos, and you see it in you hear it, you feel it. Were you always also naked? No, no, I was teaching. And would you say that um the women were open to getting naked? Were they comfortable? What did it take you a while to like uh get them warmed up? I think it depends on uh the amount of time we've spent together, the trust, because now I see how I would do it in the future, but at the moment I never did much of nude photography. Um I like naked bodies, I like people, I like sex, I like many things, but it was always there's the shame that's between. How do I communicate it so person is comfortable creating that safe space, right? Yeah. Well, I am actually quite good at these things, and then it just takes time. With some people, it takes days, with some people it takes few, I don't know, minutes, hours, whatever. Um so in the beginning, first photos of the series were fully dressed, last ones fully naked, super frontal, super wild and crazy crying. So I see my growth as well in this project. That's for me is really, really important. So you get more comfortable around nudity in general. Yeah. For me, now it's become like my thing. I do nude portraits and objects. It never never happened before. Would you say it was liberating for some of the women to be naked in front of the camera? Was it something that they had to also overcome? Yes, of course they had to overcome, but my job is to make them safe. I cre I don't do anything that you do not want. It can be uncomfortable, but if you really want to, but you're shy, you still kind of you go for it because you feel safe. And uh yeah. And I always send photos before publishing to the woman or to the man, and I say, is that okay if I publish this? If they say no, I'm like, okay. And we always sign the papers so there's no questions. And would you say it's um you mentioned your growth too. Like, are you comfortable around other people's nudity? Your own nudity now? Like what how did this project influence your kind of freedom when it comes to body autonomy and sexuality? I don't know. No, because I'm the one on the nude beach since I'm a kid. Oh yeah. Not not a kid, I mean like a teenager, okay. And my parents would go to one beach and I'll go, I'm like, I'm on my beach. Oh really? Yeah, yeah. So you were always like loving nude bodies. Yeah. But it was never reflected in the art. Because my art was really pleasing until uh the the shit did hit the fan. And then uh just my values changed. It's like what's the point of spending time on pleasing? Please come back to pleasing later on.

unknown 13:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

Shit hits the fan. Pleasing, we have this, yeah. Um if like it's your life, time is going and you can choose what you're doing. You can be nice to everyone, what I've been trying to do all my life. In your art too, I guess. In my art, of course. Very pretty. There's always a meaning um hidden, but it's very pretty. And then as soon as I start doing not so pretty things, I have an image of my mom. It's like okay. But my personal win-win is last September my parents came to Barcelona and I went to see them, and I did a nude photo session for them. With your parents? Yeah.

unknown 13:53

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

Well, they're not fully like topless, but it it's like a giant thing. Like a giant thing. Never ever. We had to How did you manage to persuade them? Because I assume if they went and going to the nude bitch with you. No, no, no, no, no. There no, we don't talk, there's no physical things in our family. If you have diarrhea, your dad should not know that you have a body. Like, no, no sex. High five girl. No sex. But there, my mom knows what I do, like she knows my art and she likes it. My dad didn't fully know, so a few days before, I was like, This is what I do. Do you want to see some photos? And he's like, and then well, he did have some Limon Cell for breakfast that day. His job was to stand behind my mom and hold her to these.

unknown 14:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:44

And he he was fine. It was just like, now half an hour. We have half an hour. Stand there. Close your eyes. And it's a beautiful session. Beautiful. For me, it's like the most intimate thing I I ever did. Would you say that changed your relationship a little bit? Yeah, definitely. Yeah. I feel that I'm in that moment I was accepted as a human. How weirdly it would like not a daughter. I'm a professional artist. And they listen to me and they like what I do and they accept it. For me, this was like And have you done much nude photography before, these two so shots? Before my parents, uh yes, since four years. So four years I would say the three. Three years I'm really into like nude photography. Before that, I did some but not like uh what attracted you to shooting nude? I like bodies. And pushing yourself a little bit, eh? I uh overcoming. If we want to go a bit more Buddhist way, I do a lot of vipassana and have spent quite some time in monasteries, and the only thing I know that gives me growth is overcoming. So if that hurts a bit, but in like a non-forceful way. Yeah. Could be forceful, but not harming way. I try to go there because I know that there will be a big change. Do you normally shoot women? Um yes, somehow I find it more attractive with female bodies and female curves and I don't know. Is it also a comfort thing to to get a connection? Like a girl a girl thing? Yeah. I can say from the subject to me, there's more trust. If I would have been a man, it would be different vibe. I think that's easier for me. Uh but also I did I did a few male sessions. I like it, but it's really different. It's like what I see and what I'm using, it's like it's just like what the fuck do I do with this thing? Where's my curve? Where's like there are other things that like muscles, some shapes, you know, some necks, and it's really different, different plastic, plastical, I don't know, visual, really different shit. And I'm not sure what the fuck to do with it. And you love also showing bodies within nature and architecture, right? Like against other kind of shapes and forms. Um, are people used to uh going into public places, nature in naked nude? Well, in my dreams, yeah. In my dreams, everybody walks around naked. Um, no, that's a really cool question. It brings to like one of the topics that I actually find the meaning of what I do, like the why I'm doing what I'm doing, is to get people naked into the nature. Because many, from what I know now, I didn't think about it, but a lot of people have never been naked in the nature. But like hugging a moss or a tree or swimming naked, yeah, that's the ship. Fuck, it's so great. And if I have to be the one who, you know, has an excuse of a nice, pretty photo shoot for you to experience that. That's where I'm willing to do that. Please. And like we we just met someone as well who's uh doing these sound baths, uh, these forest baths, when they walk into the forest and do meditation, really get people to focus their senses. I guess you're kind of forcing people to really get in touch with what we kind of forgot in the connection to nature. Yeah, because we really think we're so separate. It's also a reminder for me that we're not that separate. Like basically we're all made from the same material, we just have prettier clothes. Some makeup. The nude photography, did that change your relationship to sexuality as well? Have you opened up a little bit more? Like about your own nudity. You were already dropping my cheek. What sex? What sex? Okay, it's been a while. No, I'm just trying to no, I don't I don't think that it well, I don't observe changes in my sexuality. I'm definitely I don't mean that you went on full on lesbian, that's not my No no. It's like uh I think it gives me more freedom in my self-expression in the arts in different art forms. Because for me that's much more important at this period of life, because shame is like a fantastic Soviet tool. Oh yes. You should know. Yes, I'm dealing with shame a lot, and that that's definitely helping, yeah. So I my my next question is gonna be how do you think that growing up in Russia influenced your sexuality and shame around it? But that that's kind of obvious, yeah. Of course. How was it growing up there and exploring and how did it all start? Your own sexuality, teenage years, what happened? How should it say virginity? Spill some beans. Um, how did it all start? I did have two female friends with whom we would play games. Ah, okay, I guess. Quite sexy. No, it was called Doctor or something like quite vague. Uh-huh. I can I think like seven, six, seven, eight, like this ages. You guys were basically exploring each other's bodies. You guys were exploring each other's bodies, yeah. Specific regions, I would say. Yeah, this too. And then I don't know. It was also always like uh secret, of course. You can't I can't I don't know who I would share it with. But yeah, and virginity, I was 13. Jeez, girl. But it was like uh my best friend who is a bit older than me, we would hang out. I trust him fully, super nice guy, and I'm like, please, can we just do that thing? And we could just like take off, why, why was it like a back at list for you? So pressure, like so much pressure on this fucking pussy. It's like virginity, virginity, you know, and everybody's like, I don't want it anymore. I didn't want that shit anymore. I don't want this talks anymore. I don't want like it to be a thing. We're done. Can I live now? Please. Yeah, so that that was it. And then I had sex like in one year, and then and then later on it kind of evolved into sex, I would say, because that thing was clearly uh technical process. Let's unseal the deal. Yeah. And uh, did you guys also have like some Magazines with Bravo and stuff in Poland. Like, you know, you can read a little bit of letters from the people. Cool and cool girl. I remember like that exactly the same 1314. And because you can't buy anything, my mum would buy these things for me, but she never read, like, she doesn't know what's inside. And there's like pegging and shit. The page, the most important page, like two pages of letters from uh readers about sex. And I I can see pictures from there right now. It was so great. It was like, oh my god, they talk about sex. But then when my mom found out what I'm actually interested in, there's tremendous silence. We have the silence about everything. That's how you get your information from the download from the silence. So the silence downloaded these pages. Next time my mom bought me the magazine, there were no two pages and they were in her pocket. So I would crawl in in the night to the corridor and find it in her jacket pocket and read them and put them back. That's how we uh have sex education in Russia. We had a biology teacher that basically taught us wait till sex wait till marriage. And you know, we had religion in school and all that jazz. Oh, you had religion? Yeah, yeah, we had Catholic religion, priests, and stuff. Yeah, I was lucky because I was living between Russia and the UK. And in the UK we did have sex education, but it was like um once or twice somebody would come in and talk about tampons and suggest using mirror to look what's up. To inspect. Yeah, yeah. And you have inspected? Of course. Many times. Many times. Many times since. Yeah, it seems like you were pretty spirited, free-spirited child, eh? Considering the repression in your family and Russia in general, like being nude so early and sex masturbation, yes. Yeah. I didn't masturbate until my 20s, so yeah. Why? I'm like, what enjoyed? Really? Jesus enjoyed. Fuck girl. That shit is she did, she did, she didn't job. She did. She did. Yeah. How how do you think I'm fascinated? I'll tell you later. Okay. I'll tell you later. Um, yeah. How do you think like this happened? Just like you you just were open naturally like this, or about your nudity and extra- I don't know. You're saying open naturally. I feel shy right now as well. Like there's no like complete freedom inside. But it feels better, of course. To be naked, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:54

How did it start? I don't know. I don't I remember these two girls with whom we played. It's like it sounds like it's a little too intense, like seven-year-olds doing crazy shit. But it wasn't crazy shit, and it wasn't like um judgmental or guilty or bad. It was exploration. It was exploration, like you play toys, you you touch somebody's knees, you I don't know, touch somebody's ass. And it's all like on the same level. Shame came later. Much later when mum started reading my diaries. No. She did big trouble? Yeah. No, big shame.

unknown 25:36

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

Big shame. Many years of therapy. Around sexuality? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She read uh I had uh my first girlfriend and she read the pages when we had sex. And then it was like Was it because it was a girl? Or in general just sexual no, it it's just beyond my mum's comprehension. Yeah, she couldn't deal with it. And I just see the image still many years therapy. I still see her face and I still feel what I felt. And did you ever talk about it after? But my thing is I went on a date with a woman three years ago. Three since I'm 16, 17, it was 60, 16. First time.

SPEAKER_00 26:28

You think it's because of that?

SPEAKER_01 26:30

Yeah, yeah, I know. That's shameful. How's the date? Super nice. It was so nice, it was the best. We stayed in Titan, it didn't go anywhere, but it was quite opening and it was so comfortable, so nice, so pleasant. Yeah. And you like to document your dates too, right? You've done a project on uh a couple of dates as well. Ah, no, but that's really different. That's the couple of dates. Well, lately I've been dating oceans. I do document that. Yeah, that's my latest art project for the past two years. It's experimental photography and different techniques. It's called Ocean is my lover. Because there is one specific place in Portugal called Santa Cruz. It's a bit more south from here. And just one time I was walking into the ocean because we don't really have the luxury of walking into the ocean because you get fucking waves. I got rocks the other day, like blood on my feet, and drug it in. But when you have a moment that you can actually walk into it, I had this sensation. I don't know how else to describe it, but like when you enter somebody's body.

SPEAKER_00 27:46

Huh.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

Like I only experienced it with my hands. But I'm sure like I had a feeling that that's how what men feel when they enter a woman. Like I'm entering the ocean, and at that moment something happened, and so I thought, okay, ocean is my lover. How can we explore this? And water and ocean is generally a great conductor. Water bodies of water are very special. We are water too. Yeah, yeah. So this is um it's like a project with many little projects inside. And the last one I'm really proud of um has been sold for 3,000 euros, one piece. So I'm getting there. There's something real in there. Yeah, yeah. Incredible. What I meant before the dates you you had a project with a second date. There's some documenting today. Ah, that's also part of it. Second date is the latest part. There was the first date, which I did in Porto, date with the ocean. I did uh first date in Porto. Basically, it's um also kind of alternative photography, but my idea because I express love through photography. I take photos of people, and that's how I kind of express my whatever that is. So I wanted to take portraits of the ocean, and I bought uh photographic paper, and I would go in the night uh into the water, uh, I would install a developing station on the beach in the sand, and then you go in the water, you do flashlight when the waves come in. So the the pattern of the wave shapes the image. And then I develop it straight on the beach. The first date was not really successful in terms of that technique, technically, but it was really successful in terms of my thinking. Because as a film director, producer, like um goal-oriented, result-oriented person, enjoying the process is not part, it's really not part of the job. But there I was like, tomorrow the exhibition is opening, and I have this 10 pieces of whatever the fuck that is, and I need to show something. So I learned to switch my brain and find meanings in the process, and I did the the exhibit, I can I can show you later on. But it was completely something else. And the second date I did this January, I think, one year later in Barcelona. Better waves, um, better preparation. Better preparation, and my friend is like, he's a super nerdy, like nerdy, the fuck nerd of the nerd. And he prepared all the equipment, all the chemicals, all the temperatures, all the everything. So we went in the storm on a very dark night because we don't need moon moonlight as well. It was super cool. Three of us in the darkness, going into the ocean, a girl shouting from the beach, now run, because the wave is coming, and I don't see it because it's I'm like in the process. I'm in the zone completely. Gotta watch out, yeah. Yeah, and it worked. It worked. So the second date actually is hey, I can tell you later on. And one of these works was uh sold recently, and one is uh hopefully will be sold very soon.

SPEAKER_00 31:21

Amazing.

SPEAKER_01 31:22

I'm really happy when people have my works at home. Especially when it's a pussy. No, no, no, with pussy images. I think it's a bit tricky as well. I noticed that women buy these images, men look at them, but they don't take them back. But girls like, oh my god, that's so nice! Very more empowering as well. I think it's like um if a man brings an image of a pussy home, the girl would be like, Where the few people are assuming that they have a partner. Yeah, assuming they have a partner. Well, because I didn't find any other explanation to that. Like a man brings a a nude photo home saying, look at this. Like the competitive or jealousy part would be there. But if a girl brings a a photo of a girl home, normally it's more accepted, I think. True, but also even I think if you think about single um single men that I I visited some houses before when men did have nude photography or art around the house, and there's like a fine line of you like being like, oh, this is cool, versus somebody might be like this is kind of pervy. Why is there so many boobies, you know, around the house? And you're like, but then what do you think he does on his laptop later on? You know? Yes. With one hand, yeah. What uh what turns you on in a person? What turns you on in a person? In a person, yeah, what do you look for? I was thinking about that recently. Normally it would not be anything physical, like visual. I'm definitely attracted to healthy looking humans more than sickly looking humans? Victorian children, not your thing. Confusion. No, like um, because I care about my body and I like people who actually think about their bodies as well. Like they they know what they're eating. Yeah, sure, like hottest, who doesn't? Anybody like looking back at my ex-boyfriend, hottie? Not really, not really there. If you look at that person, you wouldn't say it's a hottie. It's a healthy human, maybe. Okay. You're just like healthy. I like talking, I like intellect. My last long-term lover is much older, he's 52 now. Jeez. And my ex-boyfriend is 10 years younger. Oh, so you gotta variety then. Surprising span of ages. But with him, we're hooked up because of intellect. He's a writer, he's super smart, he gets my jokes, I can quote films and he knows which films these are. And then he goes and shows me films that I have never seen and I like. That's for me, it's like, oh my god, I love you. Hot. Yeah, super hot. I'm gonna fuck you. With him? Relationship-wise, communication intellect. Yes, that's why he's ex-lover. We we're still in touch, and we I formulated that he was my he's like my ex-lover. I no, he was my lover, and then next step, he's my old Jewish boring ex-husband. So there was there's no in between, no.

unknown 34:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:00

And what's your biggest ick? What do you like? What puts you uh puts you off? Voice.

SPEAKER_00 35:07

Voice?

SPEAKER_01 35:07

Voice. So do you don't want to fuck. Fuck. It was so nice on the dating app. I met a guy and we clicked on many levels. He said, like, we we we discussed all the kinks, whatever who once was. It was super clear. My brain was, oh my god, safety. And then we meet. I'm super excited, and he starts talking like this.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

No. What are you gonna drink?

SPEAKER_01 35:33

And I'm like, I mean, uh, it's not gonna help. No, that brings not gonna. And it's hard because you're looking for intellect, so they have to speak if you're trying to connect with conversation. Me is a really important thing. Yeah, yeah, I know. During COVID, a lot of people started doing telephone and zoom dates to also not waste time. And it really helps with getting a bit of chemistry, the way people speak and how you move.

unknown 36:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

For me, this dating apps are a trouble as well because I don't understand how when the person moves, how does his face look? And the photos are usually so bad. Or just catfishing. Yeah, I I can't, I just I don't under understand about a human. Send me a voice note, I'll understand much more. And are you a people pleaser in relationships too? My what? Are you a people pleaser in relationships too? I'm a mummy. So even if you go older, you just get yourself um um I'm a dominating mummy. At least you know what you are. That's the first step. Where I don't want to go. We had that conversation with my uh ex-Jewish husband recently. He's like, yeah. I'm like, I don't want that. No. Was your mother like this in the with your father? Dominating mummy? Yeah, I think a lot of I think Eastern European women are like this. Yeah. I I don't know. I don't know how I perceived it then. I I have my opinion now, but it's different things, I think. Dominating, she's definitely dominating. Insects, I don't know. I don't want to know. I don't think so. But it's also a really funny topic. I would like your story as well. Um my mom always said that dad is an amazing lover. And we stopped having this conversation at a point when I realized I have about 50 million more lovers in my life than she ever did because my dad is the only lover she had. So it's like, oh dad is an amazing lover. It's like a person who only ate cheese in their life and it's like cheese is the only thing. I mean, cheese is the shit, to be honest. I gave you a bad example. It's called cheese. Yeah, yeah. No, it's like, how the fuck do you know that he's an amazing lover if he never had anyone else? I mean, it's also a curse of our times, you know, with the dating apps and stuff, you're always on the lookout for the next thing on something better around the corner. So you're never pleased with what you have. Maybe it's a Buddhist mindset being like, I appreciate what I have. It is the most amazing thing. I'm just trying to play devil's advocate in it. Yeah, I'm like, but then you choose what you have. And my mom, I think I don't know actually about Poland, but in Russia, my generation I see as the first one who can choose.

SPEAKER_02 38:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 38:31

My sister is already much younger in. But I mean, choose like a not arranged marriage, eh? No, no, no. Choose like do why you want to have children at 20. Oh, yeah, yeah. At 20, I had a boyfriend who really wanted kids, and we split up because I'm like, what the fuck? Look at me, which children. I am children. No fucking way. No. Now he's happy with many kids and la la la, and I'm here. I'm still happy, still children. No, no. I did date, yeah, yeah. Different forms, different ages, still children. But I consider me as a child as well. That's really interesting. Recently, I write morning pages. Artist way? Yeah. Doing it sixth week now. I saw Bumpastic the other day saying the only artist way is never finishing artist way. I don't know, six weeks out of twelve. We'll see. No, it's really nice. I I feel it. I feel me valuing my own processes more. Like that's precious. It's not like something happening. But uh I was seeing something exciting and I forgot. Uh you are writing. Writing, writing, writing. No, for kinks. Never mind, kinks. You suddenly told me that you guys ironed out your kinks on the app. What are your kinks? My kinks. In sudden lang space in my head. What are my kinks? It's interesting. My brain stopped uh answers. Uh between because right now I don't know actually. I'm really changing in the past half a year. Many things are changing. That's also why I'm here. Yeah, yeah. You're you're rebooting. I'm more of um like observing. I'm observing what I am attracted by, what I feel meaning in as well. Well, I know kinks that I had like two years ago, but now I'm I don't know. I I feel like I'm really becoming a different human. Well, I guess also if you like used to be a dominating mummy and you want to do that, that was also that's gonna be reflected in the bedroom too. Do you have anything on your fucking list? Like what I would like to do. What kings you would like to try? Um these big wheels that you go on. I always want to try. Like a hamster wheel? A bit bigger. I don't know what a wheel. Um like um the Millennium Isle. I don't know the name, like a big wheel that you sit in, like a little cabin and it goes wrong, like roller coaster shit. Actually, but uh I am I am trying to to lead you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like sex in different weird places. Oh, you like public sex? Public, no, sorry, no, not really. But like in adventurous. Adventurous, yes. What's the weirdest place you got sex in? Weirdest. Caves. Caves? Hard.

SPEAKER_00 41:39

Did you bring a blanket? Small.

SPEAKER_01 41:40

Small.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

Did you like actually going like this about cave diving and stack in there? You're like, no, no, the guy was so small. So that's the only thing I remember. Amazing view and a tiny penis. And I was like, oh no, such a good view. Why the fuck is it? Super disappointing. Thanks for giving in one form, not the other.

SPEAKER_01 42:02

Yeah, yeah, but the view was amazing.

unknown 42:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:05

Uh, I think this all around Normandy as well.

SPEAKER_00 42:13

All around Normandy. Fields and wineries.

SPEAKER_01 42:22

Rose. I did a fish tank in Thailand. Fish tank? In the restaurant terrace. Fish tank. Yeah. Nice. Nice. Kinda crazy. But also not great. Water. Water is people think it's like looped up, but it's no, it never works. On the beach, you know, sex on the beach. Yeah. Tan? In every hole? Oh, no, thanks. No, no.

SPEAKER_00 42:42

Fish tank nice.

SPEAKER_01 42:44

Yeah, just you know, little fishes nibbling on your feet. But then you have memory, it doesn't matter if sex was sadly sex wasn't amazing, but I don't even remember. I was really drunk. Fish tank. Yeah. Yeah. That's what we have. I remember the view. Exactly. Not this view. No, no, no. Not this view. It's like, yes? Already? Ah. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 43:11

What are we gonna do? Gotta walk over the gun. Microscope. Microscope now. Must be hard.

SPEAKER_01 43:24

He has his life.

SPEAKER_00 43:25

Just not with it. I have mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 43:31

No, no compassion here. I see. Zero. Zero. Mean. Mean bit. What's sexual energy for you? It definitely is connected to money energy. Money energy. Money. Money. Well, I can call it money energy because it's type of energy, type of exchange. We have understandable, like uh like language. It's the easiest way to. communicate we all agreed on money is the same shit so sex money kind of monetary exchange and creativity I think they're all quite tangled yeah all the important things power everything is around power I don't know what do you think well creativity can be power no I think it's like freedom of expression no I mean like money and stuff that's like all and sex in that sense it's all around I can see where you're going I don't connect to that yeah yeah yeah yeah not creative stuff yeah and uh we have some pins we have some pins we have a pin and people pleasing people pleasing that's yeah that was my thing I'm trying I'm no I don't know probably I'm doing it still because I'm like the clown in the house since I'm a kid parents fighting hi isn't that lovely look I'm drawing this I'm still doing it but I know it about me at least are you attuned to like situations a lot like feeling like when people are in a bad mood and hyper sensitive yeah super super hyper whatever um uh pleasing well except for dating the ocean I've been in a highly toxic relationship for the past four years um where I am trying to prove that I'm really worthy all the time you know like with a toxicity high level wow I'm really good I can do that I can do that I can do that the relationship is with Portugal so I'm trying to please this fucking thing any way I can I have books released I have companies started I'm paying taxes without a bank account because they don't open it for me because I'm Russian it's a penalty for Russians? Yeah you don't nobody opens a bank account for me because I'm Russian. And many things happening because I'm Russian. And you can you I guess you can't use a Russian account they stopped working when the war started and I don't have one I think maybe I have one but now I'm using my granddad's because he's a UK citizen. So we opened a bank account and I'm using it. For payments and stuff without a card it's like come on. So you're paying taxes but you're not even allowed to open a bank account? Yes Portugal but you're trying to Portugal um just to I need a residency. I don't have a residency all the time. Now me and my lawyer we're gonna sue Portugal because they have a mistake in the system and there are apparently two processes running on my case. One has been declined last year in the parallel universe apparently and the other one is open in the parallel universe. So I just gave up and on 25th of August this year I'm gonna go deep into my shame and pleasing I found um a place of uh sort of a genital of Lisbon of Portugal a genital of Lisbon yes there is uh one central square one of the central squares has a lot of calçada is called calzada is the brick stone stone whatever the fuck it's called the pavement and it's a whole thing in Portugal they love the the patterns and stuff and the whole square has dicks from the patterns yes 186 I counted. 186 and they are intentionally there. It's a dick square nobody sees it oh like somebody just did a trick on the design they have like um marine uh marine marine theme or whatever that is dicks it's clearly dicks like meter even more so I'm gonna go there I'm gonna do a performance um trying to please Portugal by rubbing all the dicks that I found so I will have pieces of paper and I want to take earth the backstory is that Portugal was so greedy for land and they went extra no no previously um exploring China Asia Portugal was the first country who wrote rules how to colonize people used that later on so like the land the land the land so I'm gonna take land and nothing from here from other places white and red and different colors and I'm gonna put pieces of paper and I'm gonna outline the shapes of dicks all day from sunrise till I don't know. Girl be busy I'll be busy rubbing dicks for my fucking residency. Because you know in also colonies there are many colonies I I did a giant study on um trim how do you say rituals ceremonies and rituals in the countries that were colonized by Portugal that include penis-shaped objects and they're not too many but I was trying to understand what people do because it's also like um in agriculture and here in Portugal we also have like yes yes so this is gonna be my ritual of I don't know what the fuck else to do. I'm gonna rub the genie just rubbing it for the black yeah yeah you're gonna film this and send it to the government of Portugal? Well my friend wants to call TV stations and the other people will be filming it and it's like this weirdo rubbing dicks for for residency. If anything it might get kicked out of the country I'm not gonna lose much because the topic is fucked up so many people are in this situation system is just not working Portugal received 24 billion like crazy billion I don't know like a lot a lot of money for years back to integrate the immigration system so that it actually functions because there are a lot of people from Africa from Brazil from everywhere and they just don't have the anything to kind of work with that. So it's a queue of 40400 I don't know like million people who are just waiting like a million sure we'd be a big jump but for me it's like just loads of people uncountable and big amounts big amounts many zeros and many zeros yeah so three and a half years I'm waiting three and a fucking half years they've changed laws and with a bank account because they also change laws all the time so a lovely bank here said yeah yeah we can open your bank account I'm like oh my god that's gotta be amazing my name on a card I can pay taxes wow little and then while they were dealing with a technical shit during four months there's a new law against Russians and they said no we can't open it because you're Russian and then you're like I'm an artist I'm healthy I get it you desperate measures that we can just go and rub dicks yeah it's like uh that's why I called it like despair of pleasing I'm trying to pay taxes I integrate into culture I open company I really do like nice things here and uh I just can't fuck you well I'm gonna rub dicks if that doesn't help I mean we might need to sag more and tell me a little bit more what did you discover with your uh colonial um exploration of uh phallacies in rituals there's not that many because normally you would think like uh because in Africa I went into Angola and Mozambica's two biggest ones there are not that many because we think like in my imagination it would be like oh Africa full on because full on dicks full on dicks yes and sex and I don't know like different perception of body but not really I didn't find much didn't find much there they can be like objects like penises or maybe few little figures with a giant dick like Greek um whatever he can but not as much as I hoped for. In Asia I think they have little like these uh um silver penises that are like good luck charms and stuff I don't know I know about big big giant sculptures in Thailand where I was living and then there's also lingams and goa which was also Portuguese colony and also lingam ceremonies like putting water on it washing it for good luck for good fortune many things so like all of these things together I just collect them in my head creating my own ritual basically for fertility for good luck for the dick is there anything that uh you think influenced you a lot in terms of your um artistic career and sexuality liberation there like any films art pieces that you find memorable I just went to Marina Abramovich one in Berlin and there was a lot of pussies I read her her book recently super inspiring no thanks given my sexuality in art naked lunch naked lunch have you seen it the movie uh don't read the book too much heroin I I I couldn't I couldn't finish the the that way of thinking it was too and watch the movie it's like disgusting and very interesting at the same time for me it's like uh but attractive for me that was like really confusing feelings but definitely sexual definitely interesting my sexual heroine movie attraction was definitely Jared Leto and uh in Reckling for a dream that was before I knew he's a sexual predator okay yeah just like you know snorting and doing drugs and the does made it all sexy train spotting was doing the other way around and it was like actually maybe it's kind of gross. Yeah no it was always uh the romantic vibe about drugs and drinking and get getting high and just losing inhibitions yeah were you always a big drinker always a big drinker no I don't know why I said always I was always a big drinker no longer no Russians I guess it's my presumption that you guys are chugging vodka for breakfast of course and petting my pet bear and wearing my fur hat as you can see of course since I was born came out of your mommy's mummy's dummy yeah I hate vodka yeah same actually it is horrible yeah I drank too much as a teenager I don't we did drink vodka but I think it was beer mainly when I was a teenager I hate beer why did we drink that? I don't mind I feel like it's on the holidays non-alcoholic beer now yes yeah now I don't need a drugs so why why the fuck would you drink non-alcoholic beer? It tastes like shit and it doesn't get you drunk. For the good old times okay yes um what advice artistic sexual anything would you give your younger self how old younger 13 go for it girl go for it go for it but use contraception please did you have sex with no contraception as a teenager? Yeah yeah there was no such thing as contraception for like it was contraception for not getting pregnant but contraception for not getting all the shit nobody explained that contraception for not getting pregnant oh you mean like no but you use contraception not to get pregnant pills you mean you went on a pill no I mean condoms like the why me 13 years old would use a condom is not to get pregnant not to avoid STPs yeah but he still we're using a condom that's good not always I am the last person to judge okay I don't mind yeah yeah yeah I have that my past I don't like I think it's really like it's trying to control the nature sure and it fucks you up anyway I did it like once maybe for one or two months and everything is just going wild weird I'm like no no no no for some reason I was created like that. Yeah and uh do you think we can fuck your way to enlightenment? Better be careful who you're fucking but I think yes yes I think yes in the way if you use your body in like exploring manner and acceptance manner because for me enlightenment is acceptance. Who is here yeah so I think uh that if you we take enlightenment as as acceptance acceptance of us universe the nature of things then yeah of course that's a way to explore yourself sex one of really pleasant mostly uh nice ways how to get to know yourself thank you very much very welcome